The beard is wonderful but so is…everything else.
“both worlds are closets”
Ouch. That one hit home.
I’ve been awake throughout the night, comforting a sick child, and whispering that everything is going to be alright.
The moments of sleep I’ve found have been few and far between, and as the sun spills through our home this morning, my brain is still screaming with all things I must Decide, and Do, and Worry Over.
It doesn’t help my stress when I hear judgement from people whom I consider to be friends. It’s as though you have no idea how some of us simply do not have the same choices that you do.
I am not a bad person because the things I am thankful for are things you would never buy or use because of politics, or personal belief. When my choices become neater, I can make a better stand but some of us are just trying to live.
I am not a bad person because I want another child. The painful reality of motherless children around the world adds to the conversation. But whether adoption and/or procreation is part of my story is an extremely personal decision. Just as the issue of whether you want to have children is really only your business.
I am not a bad person because I had to choose whether to get our only car fixed this week or eat organic vegetables. And if processed food is all I have in my cupboard at the moment then I will be thankful that I HAVE food and dream of the day when I can make my best possible choice.
I am not a bad person because my addiction deals with sugar instead of alcohol or drugs. My withdrawal symptoms are not for you to mock, and when all the fight had left me, and I feel as though I am back at square one, your kindness and encouragement is a much better gift than your unbelieving rage.
All of that said, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best of yourself and wanting that for others. I can certainly understand the frustration at our society, culture, and the lack of caring that some of us have.
We do need voices reminding us that what we eat matters, who we support matters, and that the choices we make today affect the choices of those who come after us.
But we are not all on the same path at the same speed. Some of us may need a kick in the seat of the pants, some of us may need a gentle reminder, and some of us just need a hug.
My mother grew up where it was normal to check for maggots before you eat your ice cream and to shake the cereal box and listen for roaches. The children were always filthy, full of lice, and left alone for days. Gifts were always used, stolen, or made from broken parts. And the idea of choosing how you wanted to live was laughable. You simply WERE. As you wept through it.
I grew up with food, shelter, loving parents, and the promise that I would never see the type of life that my mother had (complete with an overabundance of unhealthy food because More is Always Better Than None!). But they had no concern or even real knowledge of their global footprint (I grew up thinking global warming was a lie). I also spent the majority of my most formative years surrounded by racism, very little science, and a distrust of anything different.
Thankfully, my child has food (healthier than what I had), shelter (I’m currently stressing over our next move), and two people who will do whatever possible to make sure he is safe and happy. And hopefully, one day he will give back to humanity by making even better choices than I am making now.
I’m still here worrying over things I cannot change and stressing over the few things I can. It’s a daily fight to remember that the most important thing is for me to be present and aware of the choices I’m making.
But I also think that in the noise and judgement that is all around us, it would be really great if we could remember to simply be kind.
All of our stories are different.
Some of us need more help than others. And some of need more patience. A few us need more reminders.
But all of us could use more kindness.
The Three Stages:
Stage 1: Lust
Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has also been shown to play a major role in the sex drive of women. These hormones as Helen Fisher says “get you out looking for anything”.